It is Memorial Day weekend, and Jeanne, Cleo and I are spending it at a vacation rental condo in Merrimac, WI, just outside of Baraboo. We've stayed here a few times before, and though we never brought Mom here, memories of her are redolent. This is where we used to come as respite from Mom. It started with weekends, and we would have Jeanne's mom stay with my mom. We picked this place because it was not too far from home, maybe 2 hours, and because we could bring Cleo.
The first weekend we came here to stay, Ella, Jeanne's mom, came to our house, and we were showing her where stuff was, and just talking. Mom was still mobile, and somewhat functional. Her bedroom door was closed. All of a sudden we heard a bang. We went running into Mom's room, and she was sitting on the floor, dazed. She had been dressing herself (we laid her clothes out the night before), went to sit on a chair, and the chair scooted out from under her, hitting the wall as she hit the floor. In addition, she had her bra on over her shirt, a clear sign to us that the Alzheimer's was progressing. Her eyes were open, but she was out of it. We got her to lay down, and I called 911.
Before the paramedics arrived, she snapped out of whatever state she was in. She would not remain seated on the floor, so we helped her up and into a chair in the living room. When the paramedics got there, they ran all sorts of tests on her blood, her oxygen level, sugar level, and I don't remember what all. Her levels were better than most people's. The paramedics said they could take her to the hospital for more tests, but we decided against it. Then we had to debate whether to go for the weekend or not. Ella, who is also a nurse's aide, was still willing to stay with her, and Mom seemed just fine. So after much back and forth, we decided to go. Mom and Ella were fine for the weekend, but I immediately came down with such a bad cold that I slept most of the time we were here. I think it was the first time since Mom had come to live with us that I let myself relax, and with my defenses down, the cold attacked with a vengeance. Who knew how long it had been waiting for that opportunity?
The next time we came here for a weekend, Mom had, of course, degenerated some more, and Ella ended up calling us multiple times with questions and problems. We were on our way home at the end of the weekend, but stopped in Madison, and hoped to spend some time with Jerri and Dave and the girls, who had taken a weekend there. Ella called again, and this time we had to cut our visit short and come home. Mom had figured out how to "work" Ella, or maybe it was how to play her. Anyway, she was becoming too difficult for Ella to manage, so we came home.
The next time we were scheduled to come to Merrimac, we actually put Mom in a respite center for 2 weeks. The first day, we were going to Spring Green with friends to see a play, then we would come to Merrimac for a week, then spend a week at home. On that first day, the morning of which we took Mom to the respite center, we were driving home after the play when I got a phone call. It was the respite center Director of Nursing, who had assured us on our pre-stay tour that they would take good care of Mom. Mom had fallen and broken 4 ribs. I was furious. How could they have let this happen? I'm pretty sure we had taken all the steps ahead of time to check this place out. They had a well-regarded adult day care program, and had just started the respite program. Unfortunately, they had not worked all the kinks out yet.
We had informed them that Mom was at high risk of falling, so they had one of the "safe" rooms reserved for her. But the previous tenant's family did not come pick him up when they were supposed to, so instead of moving him, they temporarily put Mom in a different room. There was an electric eye motion detector over the bed she was resting in, but somehow she got out of bed without setting it off. I don't know why she fell, but she did, and apparently hit her ribs on the bed frame. An aide went in to check her at one point, and found her lying on the floor. They called 911 and sent her to the hospital, who at first thought she hadn't broken anything. The next day they called to inform us that on a second reading of her xrays, they could see she had broken 4 ribs.
But that night of the day she fell, Jeanne and I went over to the center as soon as we got home. I believe it was around 10 p.m. when we had a meeting with the director, director of nursing, and a few others at the center. They heard all our frustrations and disappointments, and they apologized and explained as best they could what happened. Tears were shed on both sides, more on theirs, actually. Ultimately, Jeanne and I decided that we really needed the break, and we would let Mom stay there the rest of the 2 weeks. But we cancelled our stay here in Merrimac, and just stayed home, so we were close should anything else happen. Which it did, and on the day we tried to take a day trip to Watertown. Another on-the-road phone call from the center. Mom's lips were horribly swollen. I had them call Mom's doctor and ask him what he thought. He thought they should send her to the ER and have her checked out. So I agreed, and turned the car around.
She was at the ER, only had been sent there with just a jacket on, no shirt underneath. The swelling was going down. Everyone kept asking if she was on a specific medication which I don't recall right now. She wasn't. They kept insisting that the type of swelling she had was only seen in patients with an allergic reaction to this specific med. My suspicion is that somehow they gave her someone else's meds. After those two weeks, we never went back that center, except to meet once again with the top administrators, who agreed to pay for the condo rental, since we cancelled too late for a refund. The owner wasn't going to make us pay, but it wasn't her fault, and she would have been able to rent to condo to someone else, as it was the July 4th week, so we insisted the center pay us so we could pay the condo owner.
Eventually, with Mom in a different respite facility, we tried to come up here one other weekend. I don't even remember what happened with Mom that weekend, but we again had to cancel. The owner said she would keep our deposit, and we should come when we no longer had to worry about something coming up with Mom that would force us to cancel. That was over 2 years ago, and we are finally here.
So yes, though Mom was never here, this vacation space is overflowing with her memory. Jeanne and I decided today that we probably won't be coming back after this weekend.
